So yeah once again I find myself thinking that I am terrible about sitting down and doing this. I have finally decided that I am going to tell Deen. I guess I feel like it will cause less of a mess if it comes from me and not someone else. But at the same time I amgoing to make it clear that we are over and I am not going back to being with him no matter what he does becuase as always it will only change long enough for me to get sucked back in and as soon as I think things will be okay they will return to being messed up as usual. I guess I just have to figure out when and how I am going to do all of this becuase I am sacred about how he is going to react to all of this but in the end I guess it really doesn't matter because I've decided that no matter what he does I am going to be okay. Well I guess that's all I have for now!!!!!